After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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