There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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