I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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