I think I died a long time ago.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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