3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
