I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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