I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
