Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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