Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
