matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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