He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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