I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
