It's Friday. Sex?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
