i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
