Just fell off a train. Bad.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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