I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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