when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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