It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
