I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
