textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
