is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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