All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
