woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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