Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
