; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
