this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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