Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
