his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
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