I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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