I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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