; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
