Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
