1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
