Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
