stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
