Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
