So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
