...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
