I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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