i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
