She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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