hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
