when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
