It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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