first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
