I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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