I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
