I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize