you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm just crazy horny about you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
