I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
