I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
