Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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