I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
