So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
