I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
